Living With Purpose

Guys, I’ve been struggling. And I don’t know how to get out of this stuck/sad space I’m in.

I love to see all of my fellow runners, athletes, yogis starting out the year with these awesome goals, hopefulness and determination for 2019. I don’t have it. I just don’t have it. I get excited seeing my friends being so positive about the new year and what great things they have planned. I’m excited for them. Because I know what that feels like.

I’m working out on a regular basis. I joined a new gym, I’ve been eating healthy. I feel fit. But inside, I just feel…sad.

I went back home to El Paso in December. Every single moment was fantastic. I enjoyed every second I was there. From seeing my beautiful and funny nieces and nephews, to baking Christmas cookies with my mom, being able to go to a yoga studio down the street, going out with my sisters at night, and meeting friends for coffee. It was all great. In all honesty, I want that so bad again.

It’s hard to have connections with people here in NC. I don’t know why. Maybe everyone is just waiting for their next duty station. Or we live in this fast life that we are looking for the next best, exciting thing. I just know I don’t have the abundant deep meaningful connections I had back home. Weather it was with the yoga community (my Friday wine group) or the running club, or even just close friends from my childhood. And it makes me feel sad and lonely. I also feel selfish. Like I have everything I need. I shouldn’t be complaining. But man, for the first time in two and a half years I want to go home.

I’ve always loved Instagram for the yoga challenges. But I don’t feel the connections and support that there used to be for things like that. Do you see it too? All I see is more judgment. So I’ve just been pulling back, just watching. I guess healing.

I’ve been also reading. Currently Brene Brown’s, The Wilderness. A quote that stood out with me and I keep going back to and I’d also like to share with you is:

“Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion”

I love connecting with people. I love to celebrate my friends. I know I will find my place again. I will find my motivation again.

Question: Are you excited, motivated for 2019? What are some of your goals?